I ranted a lot on how I was helpless at doing things, and now, I find myself helpless at controlling myself. Thoughts take over my mind so easily...... Screws with reality. Pushes me to go against my morals...... Any idea how much pain that is?
I think of indulgence, but who doesn't? I have always told myself to let others let me down then let others down. Now, I find myself thinking of indulging while others suffer fates worse than death. Worse still, they are loved ones. How selfish have I become......
School value of respect. Did everything I could to show it. Then, everyone comes and tell me I never gave any. Even better? I don't think I even received any from the start. Yet I want to give so much of it......
SPACE MARINES! Well, just fuck off and die. Clouded my mind with so many unclean thoughts, screws with my sense of reality. Mind fucked a whole lot by this, and even now, I can't stop thinking of it......
My good friends, always there for me, always knowing what to do to cheer me up, zero. I have seen a lot of the truth now, and can tell even more. Living the unwanted life of solitude. Trying hard to find some replacement, but it seems that it is wasted effort.
NCC. Woosh. Denied a leadership position. Got a job at least, but its only a title for show. No one needed me at all. Best part, I don't just fail at my job, I fail as a cadet. Juniors outdo me......
Academics took a serious turn for the worse. Compared to the past, it never was good enough. And now its worse. This exam, I put in the most effort, yet did the worst in many months......
The school seems to be constantly thinking of new ways to screw with the class chairmen. Every week, I seem to get into shit which is hardly my problem. No authority, no recognition, who the hell would want to work on......
Recalling my past glory, I think to myself. Why......
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