Mystery

All the rage accumulated in me. So much, so hard to control. Yet, all got destroyed in merely 10 minutes. Just her presence. That was all it took to destroy the anger I had taken 16 years to build. She doesn't treat me exceptionally well or anything, yet this still happens. Just her presence......

And yet, its those people I call friends or family that actually bring rage. How is this life? I have no idea what it is. My friends enrage me. Just 1 girl does the opposite, without doing anything. With no explanation for it, it just happens. I feel like destroying the world, seeing humanity in suffering, but the very thought of her suffering comes to my mind and it all stops. It all just stops.

And the irony of it all is that she kind of treats me like nothing. I feel nothing. Even when I think I feel something, it ends up to be nothing. Yet there is such a strong pull, such a strong desire to give all I can, without receiving. Not receiving brings so much torment to me, yet the want to give her never stopped. It never has.

Friends are the most unreliable source of entertainment, but the most reliable source of sorrow. I don't think she is a friend, though we are not lovers, and most definitely not enemies. Then what......

Ushering a new era ~

Fuck sorrow. Worthless emotion, does not feel good. Only through rage can one gain through happiness.

What's there to rage about? Well, everything I'd say. Ever stop to think why we feel sad? Its something we want that we can't get? Or a fact that we cannot accept? Worthless getting sad. Might as well show everyone how much it irks you, or simply accept the fact.

Remember, inferiority complex? Being different? Fuck them all. No point feeling inferior, its all an image projected in your mind. Different? Fuck yea, I used to worry, why I can't fit in. Answer was simple. I simply can't. Everywhere I go, everyone I meet, I bring misery to them. Tried ending my life to end their misery once, pathetic. I would bring more anguish to my loved ones wouldn't I? Since I have this "talent", might as well use it to afflict pain on my enemies. I mean, come on, am I to die because they made my life suck? Am I to bring the pain to my friends and family because some dogs just ruined my life?

Since I am this different, there isn't really a point fitting in. My friends will hate me too much eventually, and leave. So why struggle to hold on? Then, just last night, I realised. Friends are the most unreliable source of entertainment. One moment of joy for weeks of sorrow? Fuck that. I made everyone suffer, so they'd leave me earlier, but that one person I can't bear to hurt...... Even she has to leave, I know. But I can't speed up the process. Fucks our lives. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hate her. I know she was an image of who I was in the past, but seriously?

Its hard for them to leave me, but once they do, they can feel happiness like they felt before meeting me. Once they're gone, I can focus fully on using my "talent" to make enemies of me and my friends suffer. Yes, I can never forget my friends, but they have to leave me. I will silently guard them as best as I can, and they won't even know shit. The dog who betrayed 3 years of my kindness is now suffering like never before. All thanks to me. I rejoice in his sorrow. I tried being nice to him, but every friend I introduced to him just gets flipped off. Dumb piece of shit doesn't blame himself for his fate. Worthless.......

Me

Once again, I am tissue paper, to be used then thrown away......