Why I play myself this way......

"Everything falls apart, even the people who never frown will eventually break down" I myself am near my breaking point. Day by day, I gradually lose control of myself. Why do I always have to start off great then everything ends horribly......

One occurrence was PSLE...... Past 3 terms I did so well...... Then the real thing came and I fucked up. Bad. RI was a dream, MSHS was the hurtful reality...... BULL. Everyone else (mostly everyone else) went to some great place, NYGH, HCI, RGS. All due to my shitty destiny. Inferiority can limit you so much......

I was born to fuck everything up I tell you...... 2nd time was streaming. I did not even aim triple science. I saw the criteria for double science. I easily meet the criteria. I continued to work hard. And it paid off. With more crap. Did not even make it to 1 Science. At least, they gave me a chance, in fact, 2 chances, one to take a pure science and one to upgrade to two sciences. I screwed up the latter (all due to my own crap) and it didn't even matter for fuck that I got 3rd in class then. Criteria fail? Humanities...... Get to that later.

Now, I find myself in 3 Edward. Kind of loving it here, but it just adds up to all the shit I have in my mind...... CHAIRMAN XD Sounds nice? Well, its just a title, and I mean it. Basically, I do stuff people don't want to. Its like a councilor only shittier. My authority is for fuck, and stuff I do, waste of time. Really, really, REALLY wanted to resign, like some have told me, but what others said, I was probably the only one in class who could take the shit. Which brings me back to the topic of living to be nothing but a piece of shit......

Catching up with the grades in the past is hard shit now. 1st in class? In my mind, I keep telling myself its nothing. When 3E finds out? Not so nice sounding words come out. I have stress making me become better and stress making me become more like the crowd. Now THAT is stress......

Head S2. Sounds nice again eh? Same deal. Just sounds nice. Training, all I do is carry the kit and look after slackers. No one even listens to me when some serious shit happens. They want to do things themselves. Which once again bring me to the point of why am I here? All the SM, PS, or whatever just want the name then they do all shit? S2 is just made to make the unit sound complete?

Why even bother improving myself now...... You asses would just continue to surpass me anyway......