Recollection

Past memories are bad enough. Now compared to the life of others, I can't help but wonder, why...... No offense to anyone I make a comparison with, envy you all, but no hate......

24th February, 1 day before SS CA1, FSD training under hot sun, ate shit, ignored by most who should have talked to me. 17th July, She knows what is going on, her busy period will probably be just over, its a weekend and probably free, and last time I actually talked to her, she was rich, so she won't eat shit. Significance of the dates? 24th February was my birthday...... Stressed to the max, train till sick before exam, failed SS, last for FSD, paid for doctor for nothing. Came home to a $20 piece of "chocolate cake". Wishes from few people. Not even enough to fill my wall...... No gifts. At all. Her? Well, she's got so much attention from her friends, already got gifts before the day, nothing much will bother her, and probably no shit for her consumption. Yup, 17th is her birthday......

Training a few months ago, I came. 2 others did not. All 3 of us were marksmen. I got my badge first. They got their badge yesterday. Problem? Mine was broken and dirty. Theirs were new and shiny, and got recognition for it. I came for that extra training and the badge I got was shittier than theirs. How fair......

SM: Confessed to by 3. Me: None. Either I seriously suck, out of luck, or no one seriously gives a fuck about me. Its even possible its all 3...... I'm not that seriously in need of a relationship (unless, you know). All I want is just the recognition......

Triple sciences vs 1 Pure Ratio is fucked. Their lives are supposed to be much more stressed, but yet mine sucks much more than theirs...... Worst part is, I was supposed to be amongst some of the best of them...... How is that even possible?

I've taken class chairman shit for 1 and a half years now. I got class chairman respect for about 1 week total. Didn't learn my lesson in Primary school...... Unlike some other chairmen who somehow have an easy job......

"Hope is the first step to disappointment" Completely agree. 8 years of hope has turned into a life time of shit for me. Poorly planned everything...... Funny thing is, people had so much more hope than me, why am I the only one taking the shit?

今天才刚发现可怕的真相，我一点都不是什么好汉，是个小人，我怨恨无知者。。。。。。

I really want to know why the people pissing me off are doing it unintentionally, and why I can hate some of them for doing so......

Some of the things I mentioned are little. I act like I'm not bothered but they actually irk

me so much......