Humbled

Start of E-Maths tuition! Completely not what I expected. Well, could recognise most of the class anyway. One of them, I remember today. Start of the paper, totally screwed. All basics, gone :D Then she did them all with almost no difficulty...... She goes by the name of Kelly, she remembers all (maybe just most) of what she learnt, and uses them properly. Until towards the end when all the equation stuff came out (Marists own at equations), I sat there, struggling. And then four words hit me. Hard in the face. Shall not write out :P The realisation of how I screwed with my thinking, and forsook one of my values, humility.

Another thing I discovered, I get really, REALLY screwed emotionally when I can't do math questions I am expected to be able to do. Seriously screwed. I think some have seen it in school, but today, it was at its worst. Still, today I had the best control over it :o I kept it in me, AND IT FREAKING THRASHED AROUND IN MY HEAD. WIN. Shall call it Doubt Rage.

And also, since Ms Chan STILL has not started on my circles, and Ms Yoon can't teach for nuts, I decided to consult Heymath, and you know what? Its better than Yoon. Seriously. Since I never had E-maths tuition, I myself was already very unsure about circles. Listening to her, causes many occurrences of BHD (Bang Head Syndrome), my Doubt Rage, a hell lot of Inferiority Complex, and even a very mild Schizophrenia I suspect (fuck that). Caused me to resort to self harm, self hatred, and made me distort the truth from lies (which I still do GARH).

Stress build up has caused me to act differently from my old self, and I feel much better in some aspects. Though I have a bad feeling it comes with negative effects......