I stumble then I crawl......

He never left me. And he probably never will. He didn't kill me, made me stronger, and I cast him away. The problem? I didn't kill him, and he came back stronger. Forever, we suffer together...... If you don't know who he is yet, well, he's the side of me which feels inferior. Felt great when he was gone but now he's back...... With all that shit happening? No doubt it gave him strength to return.

Freaking idle holidays, nothing to do at all. Tuesday, went out with Kelly, oh yea :) She already looked quite amazing to me, only I never had the guts to approach her. Then lady luck shone when I realised she had followed Ms Chan's class, and even better, the 2 of us were going to the movies :D Tuesday evening was awesome as heaven, and after talking to her, gosh, I don't even care how she looks like anymore! A nice girl, even nicer than me lol. Definitely had to become friends, or perhaps, closer......

Then luck took a steep plunge on Wednesday. She ignored my text, and I didn't know why, but he told me I wasn't good enough, and I believed him...... I remembered tuition time wrongly. Did not go at all. Really looked forward to initiating the conversation with her myself. Then I began to blame myself, and he grew stronger...... Its pretty much an obsession now, and you know about obsessions and me...... Blame, blame, blame. Joined the later class, which was, slower. Got bored to the bone there, which made me blame myself even more. But, with a few good friends and a text or 2, a heart mended when it was broken.

Thursday (today) PSLE results came out. In other words, it was ALL HELL BREAK LOOSE. Took lots of effort to calm myself the night before, and took all the grades quite well, ignoring my past. My sister scored an epic 261+2, and I tried to keep all thoughts to myself, lest I spoil her mood. My heart went out to my cousin, who cried with all he had, just like I did...... All was well. Then my sister had to act like a bitch...... Then he came in again, telling me she laughs at me for being dumb, and things got ugly......

Worst thing, last time he brought sorrow, now he brings a mix of sorrow and rage. Harder to fight off, but I will......